Her Best Friend

The girl was quiet, and the times she actually spoke were rare. As such, she only had a very small circle of friends, maybe a dozen at most. Whenever she made a friend, one she would consider when one conversed more than a couple of minutes with her, she was delighted and would pronounce her as her 'best friend'. Of course, she was just a young child at that time and a child's definition of a 'best friend' wasn't truly a best friend.

She was eight when she made a 'best friend'. However, this was unlike any best friends she had ever made. She laughed, smiled, joked with her and this continued for the next two years. During those years, they shared secrets, exchanged books, jumped in delight when they found out that they were posted to the same class, and gave each other nicknames. But that wasn't all. Although the girl still had her best friend throughout the years, her best friend flourished and made more friends. The girl knew that nobody could resist the charm that her friend exuded and everybody was more than happy to be friends with her. There were at times when her best friend was out smiling with others and those were the times where she sat outside, out of the social circle, and in her lonely corner, filled with hurt and betrayal.

Once, she found a paper on the floor. It wasn't a mere paper with doodles on it. It was a paper where her best friend and a classmate conversed. Just as she was about to return the paper to her friend, she glimpsed her name. Curious, she read the note which she shouldn't have because little did she know, it would have stabbed her with bitter hurt which was exactly what it did.

"Pshhh, don't tell her she's not my only best friend. There are others too," read her friend's loopy handwriting. She blinked. She wasn't truly best friends with her friend anymore. Her best friend had other 'best friends' and this time, she was just another one to add to her 'best friends' collection. Her lips trembled and a lump rose in her throat. The girl wasn't even sure what a best friend was to her anymore.

They were eleven when they went to different classes. Before then, the girl's best friend squeezed her tight and said that she would miss her. The girl smiled convincingly, but on the inside, thorns of bitterness clung to her heart. Bitter of the knowledge that her only true friend would make even more friends, bitter with jealousy even though she knew she should be happy for her friend. But how could she not be? How could she? Her best friend belonged to her; she didn't want to share it with anybody. She wanted the times they used to have when they were eight, when everything was so simple, when her best friend was hers and she, her best friend's. She knew she was being selfish, but she didn't want to let her best friend go. She wanted the drawing they did when they were eight to be true--two stick girls drawn hand in hand, smiling with rainbows arching over their heads, completed with the words "Best Friends Forever!"

But it was just as the girl thought. Being in different classes, they didn't much of each other anymore. Her friend adjusted to her new class as easy as a fish in water but it wasn't the same for the girl. The girl was quiet as before and she didn't seem to have the gift to keep a conversation going, unlike her friend. It was no surprise that she didn't adapt as well as her. 

Months flew, and they no longer spoke to each other anymore. Even when they did, her friend didn't have the same interest in her eyes anymore. The girl's friend look so bright and happy, more alive with her new friends than when she had been with her. The girl stood in the shadows, not wanting to disturb her friend's bliss. Well, the girl thought. If she's much happier with her new friends, I'll leave and let her be. Why burden my friendship with her when she can enjoy her time with people who could make her happier? And so it was.

From then, they parted ways. Her friend changed from the influence of others and fitted perfectly into the crowd. Her friend loved boy bands, loved wearing trendy clothes, loved the social media, all the things the girl didn't. Her friend had changed and she hadn't. Her friend grew from the book-loving friend into the look-conscious girl, and the girl missed her former friend.

Change took away her friend, someone she lost. But the girl knew with certainty that she wouldn't allow change to ruin her too. She would continue to walk, each step of choices into the future. She might not have the same best friend again, but as long as she continued forward, she knew she would meet new people, make new friends, and maybe long into the future, get married. She would bury the past, but mark it with a gravestone, reminding her that the past was not something to be fully forgotten.